Tag: enlightenment

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Enlightenment Fan Fiction Bumper Stickers and T-Shirts!

(Tongue firmly in cheek)

Regular old version

He who dies with the most toys wins

My significant other is a some guy/gal

My other car is a Porsche

Enlightenment Fan Version!!!

She who dies with the most light wins

My significant other is God

My other car is nirvakalpa samadhi

I once heard an author describe a realization she had while shopping with a friend. He pointed at a t-shirt in a window that said “Forgot to have children” and jokingly said, “That’s you.” She immediately and unexpectedly burst into tears, and in that moment, saw it was true. She’d been so busy with all the cool and interesting things in her life, she hadn’t made family a priority. In that vein:

Regular old version

Forgot to have children

Enlightenment Version (not recommended)

Forgot to become enlightened

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Another Juliet

It was all very unexpected. I met him at a party, and I don’t normally go to parties. I find them boring. There are always other things I’d rather do than listen to people talk about stuff I don’t care about (sports, the weather) or treat things I do care about (meditation, Enlightenment) in such a superficial way, as if you could become enlightened by doing hatha yoga and eating organic food.

And I was living quite happily with my girlfriend. We’d been together for five years, and it suited me just fine. So really it was a complete surprise when it happened. I was introduced to him at a party, and when we shook hands a shock ran through my body. I visibly shivered, and though he barely suppressed a laugh at my response, I could tell he felt it too.

He mentioned he was going hiking the next day and asked if we wanted to go. I remember being so relieved that my girlfriend had to work because I really wanted to be alone with him. Then on the hike, my life was turned upside down. I fell in love with him immediately. I appreciate how crazy that sounds, but it felt so good to be with him. I was so at ease. Even though we’re really different in many ways, I’d never felt more comfortable with someone in my life. It felt like we’d known each other for years (which, of course, we had, just not in this lifetime). It was so easy to talk to him, and just as easy to be in silence—we truly were in our own happy bubble together.

The strangest thing for me was my attraction to him. I’d never really been that interested in men, but this man, my god, everything about him, the way he smelled, the way his hands looked strong but also sensitive, the hair on his chest—all of it was SO appealing.

And everything moved fast. I broke up with my girlfriend right away. I knew it was over. There was nothing for us to work on, my heart was already someplace else. He had a large, sprawling house and said I could stay there while I looked for a new place. He thought I might want my own space at first to get used to things (being in a gay relationship), but I knew we weren’t ever going to spend the night apart, so why pretend.

After a year or so, we moved out of that house and got a house that was ours together, with a little bit of land, and a barn I could use as my studio. And it was great, it really was. We had many good years together.

Here’s what happened—because I know no one thought we’d ever end. And in truth, no one wanted us to end. People love to believe in soul mates and undying love, and we offered that story.

I’d been meditating for many years. I don’t mean that feel-a-little-bit-better-and-more-serene meditation. I mean meditating in an enlightened lineage—the kind of meditation that knocks your socks off, that dissolves every filter of the mind, that burns away all karmas, all tendencies, and all stories. One day, when only the thinnest of egoic veils remained, I emerged from samadhi. I was drenched in love and bliss, and went up behind my love as he worked at his desk. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him the biggest hug. And as I continued to feel that love and bliss from my meditation, it was clear in that moment that the love I was feeling had nothing to do with him, or any person. That love is enlightenment itself, and it is always there regardless of relationship or circumstance. Love is indeed eternal, it just doesn’t have anything to do with a person.

Yes, we could have stayed together anyway. Perhaps someone enlightened somewhere has done that. But our story had extended over many lifetimes, and had been very intense and heavy, and now it was over. It just was. Once it was seen to be yet another story occurring in Consciousness, I couldn’t keep telling it. It was gone. And it felt so great to be empty, without any story, even a soul mate story, like this one with my Romeo.

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Who Will You Disappoint?

If you become enlightened, who will you disappoint?

Your mother—YES
Your father—yes
Other family—yes and no
Friends—probably not, the ones who’d be disappointed are long gone
Neighbors and colleagues—yes
Employers / the Government / advertisers—yes
People who want you to live your life in a way that satisfies them—YES
Your teacher—No
You—NO.

If you don’t become enlightened, who will you disappoint?

YOU.

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Hamlet and Pops

Ghost King: Son, I have come to tell you of the betrayal of our line.

Hamlet: Is this vision really you, or is my wish to see your face once more dreaming this form into existence?

Ghost King: No, you dream not. Tis I, your father. Deeply troubled by the events that befell me, I am wandering, wandering day and night. I get no rest. I am unsatisfied and hungry for revenge on he who betrayed me.

Hamlet: Tell me, my father, what has happened? Why do you not move on to the place where you may rest until it is time for you to descend into flesh again?

Ghost King: Indeed son, I am very troubled. I have such tremblings of anger that I cannot be at peace. Listen now to what happened, and restore my peace by seeking vengeance on your uncle!

Claudius murdered me—he poisoned me and stole all that was mine—my throne, my wife, my people, but not yet you, my son. It is up to you to avenge my death! You must set it all to right!

Hamlet: Father, this is grievous indeed. I was angry at Mother for marrying Uncle while the dirt on your grave was still muddy and wet, but I see the true fault lies with him. What karma between the three of you has triggered this unfortunate unfolding? Or is it just a grasping state of mind within my uncle?

What misery we bring upon ourselves, when truly we could all be in such a paradise, living in Elsinore with our loved ones, surrounded by beautiful gardens, majestic game, and the clear, cool river. Why instead has this route been chosen? Why did he need to be the one in power? Did he think it would bring him happiness to kill his brother and usurp the throne? Surely anyone could see that would not end well. The mind would be so burdened with the murder, that no moment on the throne would be clear and proud.

Ghost King: Son, I say it again, avenge you must this egregious fortune!

Hamlet: What is important is I free you from this hell you occupy.

Ghost King: Yes! With the death of Claudius I will be satisfied and can leave this insubstantial and transient state.

Hamlet: Actions may or may not be taken against my uncle—that is still to be seen. But you must be quenched now. Come let the cool waters of the Buddha extinguish the fire of your rage. I cannot let you remain here bound to this fire. Let me grab your hand, if even just in my mind, and let us sit before the Lord, and be enveloped by his light, and his love.

Let us realize that this story with Uncle has only a transient reality, and that when we fix upon eternity, that reality evaporates like a drop of dew touched by the sun. In the light, let us see how all cares, even the good ones, disappear. Come with me there. Let us dissolve, once and for all, this vengeance you carry.

Ghost King: Son, even at the word vengeance, I am reminded of Claudius’ treachery and am anew with burning fire in my heart. For the honor of our family and our line, you must make things right. You must avenge my death!

Hamlet: Again I say, let us now to the Buddha, and sit in the shower of his light. If then, you can still even remember what vengeance is, then we can plan.

Both Hamlets walk down to the river and sit under the willow tree.

Hamlet: Still your mind, father. Feel the bright love that is your heart. Let this love expand out, wave after wave, engulfing all that is around us until it swallows the entire earth, and then, all the universe.

Hamlet thus showed his father the Lord. And drunk with love, all story of this Earth disappeared. A sweet brightness took over the old king, and the ghost began to disappear from Hamlet’s sight. No longer bound to his story of vengeance, he was free to move on, and did.

Hamlet now had to see the correct way to deal with his uncle. Getting things set to right in this physical existence is never-ending. He wouldn’t be sad when his time here was finally done and he no longer had to be.

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Particular Life Experiences (an aspect of why)

Because when they show that iconic San Francisco shot,
colorful Victorian houses descending like steps down a hill (Alamo Square).
I had a friend who lived there (dead now—AIDS),
breakfast room moments, view of downtown and the Bay,
scones, coffee, Vespa trips together round town.

And when a helicopter shot pans the Manhattan skyline,
I worked there,
and there.
Lived there.
Sun and wind-scrubbed walks home, from work, along the river.

And Paris, don’t get me started.
Should we count the visits in this life or
include the past ones as well?

Everything has been seen.
(An exaggeration.)

I’ll tell you one place I won’t go—Las Vegas.
(Venice, Egypt, Bellagio, New York, Paris—seen them all, sans slot machines.)
The illusion holds no allure, when you’ve experienced the real.

More importantly, I don’t gamble.
If I want something, nothing is left to chance.
Nothing to luck.
I wanted Enlightenment, and chose it!

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February Third and So On

To a sleeping Rita, “I think you’re the kindest, sweetest, prettiest person I’ve ever met in my life. I’ve never seen anyone that’s nicer to people than you are….The first time I saw you, something happened to me. I never told you, but I knew that I wanted to hold you as hard as I could….I don’t deserve someone like you. But if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life. ”

I can’t believe it happened again.

This time it’s not just a day. The loop is different, longer. I wake up the next day with Rita by my side and we start a relationship that lasts for the rest of our lives. And it is sweet and good. After living together for a few years we get married. We have kids—two of them—and that too is amazing. I love them more than myself and being devoted to them makes my heart ache beautifully. I didn’t know I could love so much, but this love also brings pain. My son dies too early. It’s different each iteration—motorcycle accident, cancer, car crash—but each time, it’s the worst. It’s unbelievably painful.

Amid all of the ups and downs of life, Rita and I stay strong in our relationship. I’m sure it’s because of all the things I learned in the previous loop. I’m lucky to be with her and know it. Of course, there are annoyances and some dullness—I’m not trying to romanticize us—but all in all, it is good, very good. And then she dies. And I’m left alone. I have my daughter and the grandkids, who live in L.A., but I feel like my heart has been cut out. She was the love of my life and, BAM, I wake up again, that first morning with Rita. Our love so new and exciting, and we start it all over again.

What’s different is I keep forgetting I’m in a loop. When it was twenty-four hours, it was impossible to forget. When Ned Ryerson said every day, “Now, don’t you tell me you don’t remember me, because I sure as heck fire remember you,” I always thought, really, dude, again? But this time when the same things happen, they feel only vaguely familiar, like, hasn’t this happened before? It’s harder for me to remember that I’ve done all of this again, and again, and again. When the loop is decades long, the loop is forgotten. Most of the time, the events of the day are forefront in the mind and the awareness of the loop is barely there, if at all. It returns when we wake up after our first night together, but that rush of first love and finally getting what I want propels me into the loop again (and again).

But now that I’ve completed the loop so many more times than I ever did on Groundhog Day, I’m ready for something else. Even though it’s a great loop, I cannot do it again. So this time when we wake up, I apologize and say you are lovely, but I must be on my way.

February 3, I exit the B&B. I’m alone, but not afraid. I know where to find my teacher. In this loop, she’s always been there, on the periphery, waving to me to come over. Sometimes I went and dipped my toe in, and carried the taste of Consciousness with me. But this time I go with the intent to fully jump in. The end of all loops.