Enlightenment Fan Fiction

The first in a series of interviews with famous people who have surrendered.

The Spiritual Times correspondent: You have one of the most iconic moments around surrender of anyone—a moment that exists in the mind of almost every American. So, I’m curious, what does surrender mean to you?

Dorothy: Well, what surrender means has changed depending on where I’ve been on the path. 

As a teenager and young woman, surrender meant giving in to what others wanted me to do and to be. It meant giving in to what my family, friends, school, community, government, and really all of society thought I should do. In particular, it meant giving in to what Auntie Em and Uncle Henry dreamt of for me. And while I was so grateful for them taking me in lovingly after my parents died, I did not want their life. It was too small. I wanted something bigger, brighter, more dramatic, more special.

So when I ran away and went to the fortune teller, I was looking for this something more. Some would say he was such an obvious fraud, and sure, he wasn’t an actual fortune teller, but he definitely was an ally who helped me get on the path. I felt the Universe at work in our meeting, and hold him and our moment together pristinely.

Then, once on the path (aka the yellow brick road), the meaning of surrender evolved. It became about not surrendering to the forces that can take you off the path. Those forces are internal and external. The internal forces are the voices inside that say you’re not smart enough to do this (the scarecrow), that you don’t have the love and devotion to make it (the tin man), or you don’t have the fearlessness and nerve to power through the obstacles of the path (the lion). Of course, there are other internal voices, but those were my main ones. 

Then, the other forces are external forces. There are actual forces that want to knock you off the path, that want to keep you from reaching your destination, from becoming enlightened. They are just a stage on the path that you can get past, but if you don’t take them seriously, they can take you out. So again, surrender at that point, meant not surrendering to either my internal demons, or to external demons, such as the Wicked Witch of the West!

By the time the Wicked Witch wrote “SURRENDER, DOROTHY” across the sky, surrender became something else altogether! Of course, she meant for me to surrender to her. But in that moment, with it writ so large across the sky, my mind finally collapsed, and I surrendered entirely to Consciousness. In surrendering to That, I gave up my mind and ego, and saw that what I’d been searching for had always been there. I had always been “home.” I didn’t even need to click my heels three times and say, “There’s no place like home”! The activity of the mind, and all the strategies of the path, had covered the Consciousness that I am. With the silence of my mind, I saw that I am what I’d been searching for. By “I am” I don’t mean my mind, my body, or my personality. I mean the Consciousness that makes up everyone and everything. When I looked up in the sky and saw that message to surrender, I finally surrendered in the most powerful way to that which was calling me home. 

So, to finally answer your question, surrender now means to me, surrendering to the Dharma. I no longer have my own agenda or ideas for my life. I really am just a vessel of the Dharma and completely open to whatever that brings. The people and forces I feared before can try to manipulate me now, and it’s possible I might go along with them, but if I do, it’s only because it’s the Dharma to do so, not because I am surrendering to their manipulation. 

TST: Where you annoyed at how much time you’d spent on the yellow brick road trying to get “home”, only to realize you’d always been home?

Dorothy: Not at all. If the fortune teller in Kansas had told me that I wasn’t my body and I wasn’t my mind, but rather Consciousness itself, I wouldn’t have understood that at all! The journey down the yellow brick road helped dissolve my ego and give me experiences of no mind, and remembrances of other bodies, all of which made me ripe for realizing that I’m not my mind and I’m not my body. So really, I’m very grateful for all that came before!

TST: Dorothy, thank you so much for your time!

Dorothy: My pleasure!

Join us next month for our next Surrender interview with Joe, who famously surrendered his life to the Volcano, only to find himself spit out by it! Was surrendering his life really just a metaphor for surrendering the ego, and on the other side of that surrender lay an uncommonly fine life?

Several people recently mentioned to me that they’re having a hard time focusing, and I too have noticed that it’s taking more will to stay focused than it used to. I suspect this is affecting a lot of us, so I thought I’d share a few steps that can help you get your focus back.

1. Make a conscious decision to focus. When you want to unnecessarily reach for your phone, look at a website, click on a link, grab a snack, or any other activity that takes you away from what you’re trying to do, instead make a decision to not do it. When we have a conscious intent to not let our focus be scattered, it’s easier to stop behaviors that scatter our attention.
   
   
2. Meditate correctly. Don’t space out and don’t think about other people. When you space out, you are training your mind to space out! Also when you space out, you go to dimensions that aren’t clear and make clarity and focus harder.
   
   When you think about other people when you meditate, you bring their energy into your aura. And you do not want other people’s thoughts, attitudes, and approaches in your mind! There are societal grooves you want to protect your mind from, and being scattered is one of them! You don’t want to align with the groove of phone scrolling, link clicking, and endless YouTube watching.
   
   Of course, this is not new advice. Rama always advised that a short, focused meditation is much better than a longer, spaced-out one. What’s different now is that with the advanced practice, many folks have quit using a focusing technique and now rest in silence/emptiness/consciousness. But given the noise of 8+ billion people on the planet, you still need to be a bit vigilant to not connect to people and not stray into undesired dimensions while you’re meditating.
   
   
3. Get out of town regularly. When we work and sleep in the same place, we get enmeshed in the astral networks of our neighborhood, town, and work place, and get connected to their associated thoughts, worries, and addictions. Traveling out of the network breaks our connection to them. Rama mentioned getting away at least 100 miles to feel the difference. 
   
   I’ve certainly felt the release of breaking these bubbles by getting out of town, but it was even more dramatic to watch it happen with some of my old students. One gal in particular was in such a funk, certain that nothing would ever work out again or be bright, and as we drove away and got about 100 miles away, it was like a bubble popped and she was happy and everything was just fine. She couldn’t believe how different she felt!
   
   
4. As a habit, unsubscribe from emails and remove apps from your phone, as needed. My story goes like this: I first removed Instagram. I was only following a few cool, high vibe accounts. There was no problem with the content, however I began to notice that I wanted to check it multiple times a day, so uninstall. Then later, same thing with the NY Times app. Not that I ever checked the news, but I loved the culture stuff, Social Qs, the Ethicist, Modern Love, etc, etc. Woof – uninstall. Then Substack. Argh. So many interesting newsletters! I found myself at work during the day wanting to check my personal email to see if there were any new email newsletters—totally interrupting my focus! Once again, unsubscribe, unsubscribe, whittle it down to a smaller set.
   
   I’m sure the things that sap your focus are different than mine, but the groove at this time is the same. There’s endless content to consume, and bringing your attention to it keeps you from being focused and doing what is important to you.
   
   
5. Focus on high stuff. There’s so much fun and interesting content that is not high. Be honest with yourself about how what you are consuming is impacting you. You’re going to feel more mundane and less clear when you consume a lot of human-vibe content.
   
   
6. Utilize to-do lists. I keep a work to-do list and a personal to-do list. Both track all the large and small things I need to do. In the morning at work, I prioritize what I need to do that day, and I reference it throughout the day. Sometimes there are so many distractions from chat, email and meetings, I forget what I should be working on, even if I looked at the list an hour before.
   
   I also create mini to-do lists when I want to punch through a lot of stuff quickly. I write down several small tasks that I want to do, for instance during lunch, and then punch through them quickly one after the other. (For example, call the vet, make a haircut appointment, check on the return from a vendor, change air filter.) Similarly, on the weekend, I create a short list pulled from my bigger list, of what I want to get done. 
   
   💖

For my friend

Rama,
Ramakrishna,
hovering there.
I don’t know why.

An hour later
you left.
Complete and total dissolution.
Then I knew.
They were there
to take you
all the way
home.

Hi All,

I’m hosting a small meditation this Saturday, January 8 at 9 am PST / noon EST / 5 pm GMT. Please join if you’re inclined and feel free to share the invite with anyone you think is interested. The meditation will be about 45 minutes long.

To prepare, clarify your intent for the new year, write it down, and place it in front of you while we’re meditating.

Note that your Zoom display name will be visible to other attendees, so if you want remain anonymous, please change your display name prior to joining the meeting.

Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83657940898?pwd=K2dnbVBWV09DYm92aDY1M293MDE2QT09

Meeting ID: 836 5794 0898
Passcode: 607772

Hope to see you there.

Love,
Saraswati

To cut yourself off from someone who is hurting you or dragging you down, you need to get rid of all the things that create a connection to that person. It is through these connections that you feel their energy, and that they can hurt you energetically. Severing these connections makes it very difficult for them to have access to your mind and body; additionally, you won’t have to expend so much energy through mindfulness to keep them at bay.

Note: You have to close all the channels to cut someone off entirely. I’ve seen people do the majority of the following, but not do the final bits because it’s either too much effort, there’s too much attachment, or they don’t think it’s really important (e.g., not closing that email he has because you don’t really use it anymore). I encourage you to cross the finish line, and not be the person that tells the story that they did all they could, but simply couldn’t get rid of that person for [insert fake reason – they’re too powerful, they’re family so there will always be some genetic connection, he’s an old lover and you never really get rid of exes – I call b.s. on all these reasons], when the reason is really that you didn’t sever all the connections.

• Change your email(s), and don’t give your new email address to the person, or to any of the people who associate with that person.
  • The person you are trying to disconnect from can connect to you through other people, so you have to cut them off as well. It’s just like computer networking. If computer A (the person) connects to computer B (mutual friend/relative/associate), and computer C (you) connects to computer B (mutual friend/relative/associate), then Computer A can connect to computer C.
    
• Change your phone number and don’t provide the new number to the person or their associates.
  
• Unfollow the person on social media, and remove them from following you on your accounts. Make your social media private, so they can’t re-follow you, or close your account(s).
  
• Get rid of everything this person has given you.
  • Items received from someone create an energetic connection to that person. I’ll never forget a story from a student who upon getting rid of a suitcase that she’d forgotten was from an aunt, realized that was why this distant relative appeared in her mind from time to time, which otherwise didn’t make sense because they weren’t close or even in communication.
    
• Get rid of anything that reminds you of this person.
  • Scan your entire house. Start at one point, walk through your entire house, looking at every item, until you come full circle back to the starting point.
  • Scan all your other spaces – car, office, studio, vacation home, etc.
    
• Move. If someone has lines into your home, this will break them.
  
• If they’ve spent time in your car, get a new car.
  
• Get rid of any legal entities that bind you together – companies, marriages, other agreements.
  
• Avoid the places they visit and travel – websites, streets, parks, meditation venues, etc.
  • I once noticed that when I visited nytimes.com, I would connect with someone I was trying to get rid of who loved and strongly identified with the Times, so I simply avoided the site until I no longer felt him (it took a few years).
    
• The above should cover almost everything you need to do to cut someone off. But be vigilant and observe the circumstances where this person arises in your mind. There will likely be a few weird things that connect you, which you’ll want to dissolve or avoid. As an example, my Kindle got lined out by someone who was in my attention, even though they didn’t buy it for me or ever use it. But I noticed their mind states in my mind whenever I used it, so I tossed it, and it was good riddance!

Bag o’ Tricks #2: Dream Yoga

Are you tired when you wake up in the morning?  Do you feel sleepier after sleeping than you did before you went to sleep? Do you feel uninspired and hopeless? If yes, you are being drained in the dream plane. The “classic” draining techniques are to have sex with you or to cuddle with you in a dream. Another is the “walk and talk” where you chat with a person as you do many different activities – go here, go there, get on a bus and go over there, blah, blah, on and on until you’re drained.

One way to disrupt the drain is to practice dream yoga. A good reference guide is The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep.

Most people think
the path
is that of the Tortoise—
slowly pushing forward,
gradually accumulating power,
gradually gaining silence,
until one day,
you cross the finish line. 

But I know
the path is really the Hare’s race.
Starting out,
you run, run, run,
quickly waking up in so many little ways.
Then you take a nap,
for however short or long,
until you make the decision to truly wake up.
Then you sprint to the finish line,
all obstacles removed
by the fierce decision to wake up.

Bhairavi Brahmani, whose story this is, was one of Sri Ramakrishna’s teachers. She initiated him into the Tantric disciplines, and was the first to recognize him as an incarnation of God.

Humility is the ability to do whatever the Universe asks—no matter how small, or perhaps more importantly, how big—perfectly, and without ownership.

When you teach, a tidal wave of light and knowledge flows through your form. It is the most obvious thing that it is not you/your personal form. Like Rama said about teaching us, “It’s not even me.”

“All troubles cease when the ‘I’ dies.”—Sri Ramakrishna

That moment, I’ll never forget it. I was stepping out of the boat, onto the temple ghat, trying not to get my feet wet, when I felt you directly in my heart. Suddenly, I knew you were there—the one I’d been searching for. I’d seen that I’d teach you and two others. I’d found them, but you, I’d been searching for you for so long.

You felt it too. Seeing me step out of the boat, our hearts touched and sang. You sent for me, and thus we began. You shared your spiritual experiences and concerns, the moments when you’d lose consciousness and act in ways others considered madness. I assured you that you weren’t crazy. I knew the only “madness” you had was love of God. Indeed, I recognized your condition to be the same as that of Holy Radha and Sri Chaitanya. 

I guided you through the Tantras, and never has a student moved so fast. You mastered each one in days instead of years, indeed lifetimes. I began to understand that you were no mere mortal, but an incarnation of God! I arranged the greatest pandits of our time to come debate you, to confirm you were an avatar. Those inclined to think you were crazy welcomed this idea. They thought the denial would curb your irresponsible behavior, but instead they were shocked when the pandits wouldn’t even debate you, so obvious was your divinity. 

In your company, and in this role, I was in bliss. I never thought it would end. But then came another. Another teacher to take you where you needed to go. Tota Puri initiated you into Vedanta, and demanded you go into nirvikalpa samadhi. He pushed you past your protestation—that you couldn’t go beyond the Divine Mother—and into nirvikalpa samadhi you went, for three days straight, then for months on end. 

Instead of being happy for you, I was jealous—jealous to no longer be the one guiding you. When Tota Puri arrived, I warned you that his path was dry and austere, and discouraged you from spending time with him. I couldn’t see that you needed the sadhana of nirvikalpa samadhi because I myself hadn’t traveled there yet. And in my jealousy, all that had been bright devolved into something small and hard. I told others seeking your guidance, “What could he tell you—it was I who opened his eyes!” And that summed up my entire problem—I thought I was the one teaching you, when all along it was always the Lineage of Enlightenment.

Later, when I tried to understand where I went astray, I saw my blindspot was around ego—I didn’t think I had one! Because I didn’t have the normal human ego—the desires for money, sex, and relationship or the aversion to pain and suffering—I wasn’t wary of my ego. All I was interested in was God. But the truth is, I had some ego around my spirituality. From a young age, I knew I was extraordinary. I was more spiritual than others and I had deep meditations and seeings that most people couldn’t even imagine. I knew too that my teaching was significant—the Divine Mother herself had shown me I would teach you and the two others—and that made me feel special. Then when I became your guru, and the tremendous light and power of the Lineage flowed through my form, that little bit of ego blossomed as I took credit for it all. I didn’t understand I was just the vessel the Divine was using. I thought it was me. I had done so much sadhana, why wouldn’t it be me? I thought all that light was just what happens as you get more and more advanced. Only later did I understand that when you’re truly advanced, there is no ownership of the light, because there is no you to own it.

You never had to learn this lesson, telling us again and again that it wasn’t you who was teaching or indeed doing anything, saying, “I am the machine and God is the Operator. I act as He makes me act. I speak as He makes me speak.”

Finally, my jealousy and self-righteousness got too out of hand. The final straw was a petty argument with your attendant where I doubled down on the correctness of my spiritual view, and everyone wanted me out and away. Through your grace, I saw the error of my ways and that I needed to leave your empowered environment where I was harming myself and others. I came to you and begged your forgiveness— and in that dissolution of pride, some space opened to receive the teaching I needed most. You showed me that I’m not my advanced spiritual knowledge, not my spiritual teachings, not my mind at all. Neither am I my pride, nor am I any of my mistakes. You showed me I am no thing at all. I am enlightenment itself.

In my last days, we met again. You visited me while on pilgrimage and we traveled together to Vrindaban. How sweet that was, how kind of you. The last threads of identification as a “spiritual teacher,” nay as anyone in particular, finally dissolved in your presence. What grace. My last words, just a few days later, as I left the form, “Guru Sri Ramakrishna, Guru Sri Ramakrishna, Guru Sri Ramakrishna.”

Hi All,

Want to let you know about a series of blessings/meditations I’m holding around the Solstice. They’re being held on the next three Saturdays—June 12, June 19, and June 26 at 9 a.m. Pacific Time. The full details are here. Please join if you feel inclined and feel free to share the invite with anyone you think is interested.

Love,
Saraswati

Disillusionments are my
tastiest morsels.

The consort sleeping with other women,
The family disparaging me,
Students betraying themselves.

Each morsel
reminding me
of the feast of Enlightenment,
where absolutely
no illusion exists.

The handsomeness
of your enlightenment,
I squeeze.